


Lost Together

by twisting_vine_x



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-20
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-11-08 04:30:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisting_vine_x/pseuds/twisting_vine_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years into their mission, Spock and Jim finally get their act together</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Together

Their first time, when Spock finally comes to him in the middle of the night, Spock fights his own reactions with every inch of his being, even as he keeps desperately trying to get closer to Jim. Jim isn’t even sure if Spock realizes what he’s doing – the way he bites his own lip hard enough to draw blood, squeezes his eyes closed to avoid meeting Jim’s gaze, and licks his way into Jim’s mouth whenever Jim tries to mutter something filthy. It’s the way he bites down against Jim’s shoulder when he comes, muffling every gasp against Jim’s sweaty skin, his teeth digging in hard enough to bruise.

That first frantic time, after they’ve both come down, lying in a sweaty heap with their clothes only half off and their breathing ragged, Jim realizes that he has no idea what just happened. When he tries to speak, not quite sure what he’s going to say, Spock shakes his head sharply, not looking at him in the semi-darkness, and abruptly leaves.

Spock barely talks to him for several days afterward, and Jim’s about ready to tear his hair out by the end of day three, as he paces his quarters unceasingly, cursing that ever-elusive emotion of love that has finally made itself known, and is announcing its presence by churning his stomach in merciless circles. He’s been unable to fall asleep, the tension on the bridge has become nearly suffocating, and he’s about to go storming to Spock’s quarters and demand an explanation when the door to his room buzzes.

“Captain. May I enter?”

Jim realizes that he’s not exactly inhaling sufficient quantities of oxygen, and he takes a moment to breathe before calling an affirmative. The door slides open, and then Spock is standing in his quarters, looking almost comically out of place, with his hands clasped carefully behind his back and his eyes fixed somewhere over Jim’s shoulder.

“Spock.”

“Captain.”

Jim isn’t sure if he’s ever experienced a louder silence. He’s determined to remain quiet, to force Spock to explain himself on his own terms – but Spock is practically squirming in place, his eyes resting anywhere but on Jim, and Jim’s heart had begun to twist itself into circles. He holds out for about fifteen seconds before he steps forward with a sigh, his fingers reaching out to curl into the back of Spock’s hair, gently guiding their faces close together.

“Spock.” He murmurs it against warm lips, his skin heating as Spock’s breath brushes across his skin. “We’ve gotta talk. You can’t just –”

“If you do not want me, please tell me now.”

There’s something close to breaking in that ragged tone, and Jim forces Spock to meet his eyes, frightened by the almost-vulnerability in Spock’s expression. The body pressed against his is radiating tension, and Jim hesitantly slides a hand down to rest against Spock’s hip, pulling him closer without any resistance.

“Spock –”

“If you do not –”

“Jesus, Spock.” Jim can’t believe that this is actually happening, as Spock stares at him with something that looks dangerously like desperation. “Of course I want you. How could I not?”

The aching eyes across from him slide closed, those brown depths obscured by tinted green skin and long eyelashes, and Jim presses them together from hip to chest, hesitantly tucking his flushed face against the skin of Spock’s neck. They stand like that for a moment, before Jim murmurs a command for the lights to dim, and tugs Spock backwards, pulling them down together onto the bed.

“Jim, I do not –”

“You don’t need to explain.” The entire weight of Spock’s body has settled against him, and Jim doesn’t try to keep himself from arching upwards, dragging his hardening cock against a firm thigh, and stopping a groan as Spock bites his lip. “Not if you don’t want to. Not until you’re ready.”

“Jim.” Spock’s slim hips have begun to rock slowly, seemingly of their own volition, and a hand has slid into Jim’s hair, dragging gently against the fine strands, as Spock’s eyes dart away from meeting Jim’s. “I cannot – I do not know if I possess the right words.”

Jim instinctively thinks of a meld, and just as quickly dismisses the idea. The older Spock had known his version of Jim for decades, and Jim had felt the aching love and loneliness in that Spock’s mind – it was no wonder he had jumped at the chance for mental contact. Whatever Jim and this Spock have, he doesn't think Spock will want him poking around in his mind just yet.

“I’ll need answers at some point, Spock.” His heart racing as Spock still refuses to look at him, Jim leans up to press a kiss right against the tip of one exquisitely pointed ear, shivering slightly as an aborted shudder rocks Spock’s body. “But not until you have them. Until then, if you need me, I’m here.”

He’s not sure exactly what he’s offering, or what he’s getting into, but Spock’s lips are suddenly pressed against his, warm fingers cradling his jaw, as he’s kissed with an aching tenderness that was completely absent during their first encounter. Jim’s barely begun to remember how to breathe when the pressure of Spock’s lips increases slightly, and arms of steel have wrapped themselves around him, turning them over until he’s resting on top of Spock.

“Spock?”

He can’t believe that the hesitant voice that spills from his lips is his own, but Spock only stares at him in silence, the intensity in his eyes shaking Jim apart from the inside out. When a finger brushes across his cheek, tracing a line of heat against his skin, Jim’s heart leaps in his chest, and he mutters a curse as he leans down to drag his lips against Spock’s neck.

“Alright, Spock. Alright. Whatever you need.”

Spock makes a soft noise that sounds dangerously close to a plea, and Jim quickly loses his sense of time, slanting their lips together and dragging his hands across every inch of skin he can reach, his fingers sliding beneath far too many layers of clothing. He’s not sure how long it takes for him to get Spock’s shirt off and pants undone, but by the time he’s slid down the bed to press kisses against a green-tinted thigh, Spock is panting raggedly above him, and somehow doing his best to hide it.

“It’s alright, it’s alright.”

Jim’s not sure why he’s muttering it, and some part of him wonders if he sounds condescending, but no complaints are coming from Spock, who has squeezed his eyes shut and sunk his teeth into his own lip again. Tearing his eyes from Spock’s face, Jim brushes one shaking finger over Spock’s perineum, while slowly dragging his tongue along the side of Spock’s cock, and the muffled noise Spock makes has Jim struggling to stop a groan of his own.

“Goddamn, Spock.”

He mutters the curse and then does his best to take Spock apart, licking and stroking until he finds the right pressures and touches to make Spock shake, even as Spock continues to struggle against every reaction, his eyes squeezed shut and his fingers almost tearing holes in the covers. Hidden in the safety of almost-darkness, Spock still turns his head away when he comes, so that Jim can only see the bare outline of his expression, as Spock bites down against his own hand.

“Jim.”

Spock comes down with a roughly panted exhale of Jim’s name, his eyes still fluttering softly, and Jim surges up the bed before he realizes what he’s doing, pressing his shaking lips against Spock’s slack mouth, as Spock’s chest continues to heave against his. Jim has barely gotten his pants undone before a hot hand is slipping inside, long fingers wrapping around his cock as Spock begins to leave biting kisses across his collarbone, and it takes mere minutes for Jim to come with a groan, his vision blanking out blissfully as Spock somehow strokes him with just the right amount of pressure.

Afterwards, as they lie in an increasingly awkward silence, Jim desperately struggles to find the right questions to ask, his body slowly tensing up as he feels Spock fight the urge to pull away. They haven’t moved from their first position, Jim loosely sprawled out on top of Spock’s inhumanly warm body, and while Jim doesn’t exactly feel empty, he still needs to know what this means to Spock. He needs to know if he’s the only one who feels like he’s flying apart inside, with nowhere soft to land. 

“Spock.” His voice is little more than a whisper, the darkness making his words easier, as he keeps his face pressed into Spock’s shoulder. “I can’t keep doing this if I don’t know what we’re doing.” 

“You said you would be here for me –”

“I want to be here for you. But not as just your booty call.”

Apparently it’s an expression that Spock is familiar with, because the body underneath him goes rigid, and Jim holds his breath as Spock decides how to respond. His heart has just about stopped beating when warm arms finally slide around him, almost crushing him against Spock’s body.

“I would never use you in that manner.”

Spock’s rough murmur isn’t exactly an answer, and Jim wants to ask what the other night was if not exactly that, but he’s not stupid, and he knows that there are more emotions at play here than is probably safe. This was never about sheer physical need, and as Spock drags his fingers through Jim’s hair, Jim digs deep and finds a word he’s never before said to a partner.

“Stay?”

There’s no verbal response, but Spock nods against his shoulder, and Jim lets out a shuddering breath as he snuggles closer, his eyes drifting shut with relief. He’s still not quite sure what they’re doing, but as Spock’s breathing evens out against his ear, Jim finds that he doesn’t really care.

“You know that you don’t need to pretend around me, right?”

He doesn’t exactly want to talk anymore, but he somehow gets the words out, and Spock’s only response is to tighten his grip even further. Jim wiggles just free enough to prop himself up and look Spock in the eye, and he’s relieved when Spock meets his gaze straight on, even if those dark eyes are unsure.

“I do not understand.”

“You. Fighting to stay quiet. Fighting your every reaction. That’s not what sex is about.”

“My entire life –”

“I don’t want you to be ashamed of this.”

He wants to bite his tongue as soon as he speaks, realizing that he’s probably pushing much too hard, and Spock closes his eyes in response, a slight green tint spreading across his cheeks. Jim’s about to start backtracking when Spock’s fingers begin to stroke through his hair again, and Jim quickly bites off his words, all but melting into the touch.

“I am not ashamed, Jim. I am simply – unfamiliar – with the correct interactions between two people.”

“Spock. There’s no textbook for something like this.” Despite the seriousness of what he’s trying to say, Jim can’t stop himself from leaning down to drag his lips across that blush, and the hitched breath that whispers across his ear send butterflies throughout his stomach. “I don’t need you screaming my name, and I certainly don’t want you to fake anything, but sex is about making yourself vulnerable with someone else, and if you’re ever gonna trust anyone –”

“I trust you.”

Spock’s brown eyes have slid open again, and there’s a depth to his words that seem to go beyond their current circumstances, evoking images and half memories of years spent willing to die for each other. Jim’s heart begins to do some suffocating dance with his lungs, and it’s a long moment before he realizes that he’s not going to find the words he needs to respond, as Spock’s unflinching honesty cuts right through him.

Instead of attempting to speak, Jim presses his burning face into Spock’s neck and struggles to mould their bodies into one, wanting to get closer than should be physically possible. His first officer carefully tightens his grip around him in response, and as a content sigh slips through Spock’s lips without any hint of resistance, Jim finally manages a hesitant smile into the darkness, his heart aching in the best possible way.


End file.
